Editor’s note: Yes, there’s no fooling you – this was indeed our April Fool. Hope you enjoyed it!
Brighton Pavilion could once again become a royal residence according to reports surrounding the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s mooted return to the UK.
With both King Charles III and the Princess of Wales suffering health problems that are limiting their royal duties, it is believed that Harry and Meghan have indicated they are willing to return to “the firm” to help out.
In accordance with their titles, the Sussexes have said that they would need a suitable royal residence in the county of Sussex, rather than live in Windsor or London. It is understood that talks are underway to provide Brighton’s Royal Pavilion as their official UK home.
The National Daily newspaper royal correspondent, the Hon. Oliver Spicklittle says: “The Duchess is very particular that, if she returns to the UK, she wants a palace of suitable status to mark her importance. Prince Harry is also keen on the Royal Pavilion because it is near a number of pubs and the Greggs round the corner on North Street.
“But also, the Duke and Duchess are keen bathers and the Pavilion is handy for both the sea and the Prince Regent pools. And, of course, they also like the slot machines so the Pavilion is terribly handy for the pier, only a few minutes away.”
Green councillor Saffron Lentil-Rice (they/them) expressed concerns about the idea and in particular raised the possible impact that royal security would have on cycle lanes and bus routes.
“If they close up parts of the Old Steine, us cyclists may have to go down New Roadi instead. And a lot of people like me don’t like passing by the long wooden wino bench down by the Theatre Royal. And what about the annual Valley Gardens ethical alpaca racing event?”
Quentin Prole for Labour remarked that he was concerned about the signals such a move would send to young people in the city who might be troubled by the hierarchical, heteronormative, anachronistic, archaic, patriarchal, old-fashioned nature of the divine rights of a dynastic monarchical system. “I think we can all agree,” he added, “it could send confusing signals to impressionable young minds.”
Conservative councillor Iona Bentley said: “Bring back hanging.”
Local resident Brenda Tiddler said her main concern was the local toilets: “Will they keep the Pavilion Gardens loos open or not? Or are they shut already? I don’t know, I can’t keep up. And what have they done to the Colonnade pub? This town ain’t half going to the dogs and don’t get me started on graffiti on the bus shelters.”
yes well said Iona always the voice of reason
I SNIFFED OUT THAT APRIL FOOL A MILE AWAY
OMG ain’t you the smart one!
Genius, good job it’s the 1st of April lol
Ha ha April fool
Don’t mention gollywogs
Oh that is funny – why? Or is it just a smokescreen for racism?
Brighton has enough problems already , without these two
April fool’s 🙄
They can’t possibly move into the Pavilion. It’s a mosque. We have the English Defence League’s word for it.
Luckily, it’s an April fool joke.
Over egged that April Fool.
Remember today’s date – April Fool Day!
That took me too long !!
Don’t care if it was obvious. Made me laugh!
It’s the 1st April!!😂😂😂
April Fools is no excuse to have a jibe at the trans community – but don’t expect anything less from this blog…
oh get a grip you melt
It took me until about the second paragraph, not sure about using others health issues as the basis for a practical joke though!
An excellent April Fools Spoof that got me giggling
“Wino” !?! This ‘article’ (if you can call it that!) is pretty poor and certainly not in good spirit for Aprils Food and at the expense of various parts of our community (whether our views support or not). Plus so obvious the author has some biased views here! Brighton and Hove News .. not funny at all.
Agree. Quite tasteless and got less funny as it went along
Will the entrance fee to the Pavilion cover being able to see them having breakfast in their pyjamas?
Good one. haha
I felt sick at the thought….
This is not really a Fool as nobody could be fooled by it. Better is in today’s i newspaper, which is usually short on humour, where it has Harry starting his own cryptocurrency. But it is spoilt by giving the game away in its last two paragraphs.
Well clearly some people have been fooled by it.
But what let the fool down was some of the ridiculous names and stereotypes B&H news used as part of it and how they used e.g. they/them when they don’t normally do that in articles.
What’s the date today? 🤔
That’s so funny , I could pop in for tea
Brilliant…ty!